Double Chocolate Chip Oatmeal Cookies

          If you haven't guessed by now, I consume more chocolate in a month than a menstrual-synced sorority house. As a trashy bartender once told me, "I can't help it, things just leap into my mouth". (I'm serious, that happened). Chocolate just has a way of making you forget about those credit card bills, overdue library books, and the fact that you haven't shaved your legs in about two weeks. Hey, you're not completely out of "Winter Mode" yet, I totally get it. Since we are all still  hiding under our hoodies and yoga pants, I suggest that you take advantage of indulging in desserts for a little longer. Before you know it we will all have to dust off those bikinis and suck in our stomachs for three months straight. Anything to find a rich husband, am I right ladies?
         Alright, back to chocolate. I have been trying to make these cookies for awhile, but every time I got to Jewel I would suddenly develop Alzheimer's Disease and forget to buy oatmeal. Not like that's the main reason I was going to the store or anything. So when I finally purchased a canister I knew I had to go home and make these. The recipe was a cinch, the only hard part was that I struggled with deciding if the cookies were fully done. Because of this, I have a palette of brown circles that I like to call my double chocolate chip oatmeal cookies. Good news is that I have eaten an extremely burnt one and a barely cooked one, and have enjoyed both! I'll probably get dysentery, but nothing I haven't already acquired while playing Oregon Trail. Since you are definitely more equipped in the kitchen than I, go ahead and use this recipe. If these cookies still tasted good after being burned more times than Mitt Romney during this past presidential election, then I say bake the suckers!
       

"Double Chocolate Chip Oatmeal Cookies"

Ingredients: 

• 1/2 c. butter
• 1/2 c. shortening
• 1 c. brown sugar
• 1/2 c. granulated sugar
• 2 eggs
• 1/2 tsp. baking soda 
• 1 tsp. sea salt
• 1 tsp. vanilla
• 1/4 c. cocoa powder
• 1 1/2 c. flour
• 1 c. old fashioned oats
• 2 c. semisweet chocolate chips

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees. 
2. In mixer, beat together shortening and butter until creamy. 
3. Add in the brown and granulated sugars and mix. 
4. Next add the eggs one at a time allowing time to mix in between each egg.
5. Add the sea salt and vanilla. 
6. Mix in the flour, oats, and baking soda until the dough forms. Be sure to not over mix!
7. Finally stir in the chocolate chips. 
8. Bake cookies for 10-14 minutes. Take out and let cool. 
9. Store in airtight container. Yields about 30 cookies. 

          Quick and delicious, what more could you ask for? A great thanks to Something Swanky for the recipe I found on Pinterest. As always, the original blogger's food looks (and definitely tastes) a hell of a lot better than mine. Until next time!

           Number of Pinterest recipes conquered: 8
           I declare this recipe a: burnt,but brilliant, success

It's the Great Pumpkin (Bread), Charlie Brown

     
         I have to say that the Kitchen Aid mixer is probably my second favorite electronic appliance in the house. The first is a littttttle more private and personal. (I'm talking about my hair straightener, of course). I'm almost convinced that this electric mixer performs more miracles than Jesus did. If I didn't have this appliance, I know for a fact that I would be stuck eating cereal and toast for the rest of my life. Even though I wasn't using the mixer to cook a lavish meal, it did help me immensely while making this bread. The dough for this recipe is pretty thick, so if I had to stir this bad boy by hand I may have developed carpal tunnel syndrome. A plus about this crazy amount of batter is that it makes two pans. That is just begging for you to be selfish when eating this. If you're like me, you can just forgo any lie you tell yourself and simply save the two pans for your own enjoyment. On the other hand, you can make us all look bad and pull a "Mother Theresa" and give the loaves to your coworkers, neighbors, (or if yours doesn't turn out as planned) your ex-best-friend who still has your really cute tube top.
       So this recipe is super easy, as usual. The only thing I didn't have in my house was a can of pumpkin, which I wound up purchasing for 0.50 cents at my local grocery store. Funny thing about this pumpkin is that only a few cans had this discounted price. The expiration date was 10/25/2015 and no dents or marks were evident, so naturally I was leery about buying it because there had to be something wrong, right? As soon as I opened the can I discovered its unfortunate flaw; the lid was all messed up. I couldn't get it to open correctly and I felt frustrated. Before I knew it I was hacking up the can like Peter and crew hacked up the fax machine in Office Space. This cured my anger and unopened-can-dilemma, but I practically circumcised my finger in the process. (My bris will be on Sunday). Although I was pretty peeved about my finger, one bite of this pumpkin bread and I soon forgot I even had a thumb.You have to make this bread, like now.

"Chocolate Chip Walnut Pumpkin Bread"

Ingredients: 

• 4 c. all purpose flour
• 2 tsp. baking soda
• 1 tsp. salt
• 1 tsp. ground cinnamon
• 1/2 tsp. ground nutmeg
• 2 c. sugar
• 3/4 c. unsalted butter
• 4 large eggs
• 1/2 c. water
• 1 can (15 oz.) pumpkin (NOT pumpkin pie mix)
• 1 c. plus 2 tbls. semisweet chocolate chips 
• 1/2 c. walnuts (or pecans) optional
• 2 tsp. sugar (for topping)

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease bottom of two 8x4 in. baking pans. 
2. In medium bowl, stir flour, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, and nutmeg. Set aside. 
3. In a large bowl, mix softened butter and sugar (NOT the extra 2 tsp. that are reserved for topping) until creamy. When fully creamed, mix in eggs one at a time. 
4. Beat in water and pumpkin on low speed. 
5. Add flour/spices mixture and stir for about 1-2 min on low speed, or until moistened. 
6. Stir in cup of chocolate chips and walnuts. Spread mixture between two pans evenly. 
7. Top bread with extra chocolate chips and sugar. Be sure evenly divided between the two pans.
8. Cook for about 1 hr. 5 min - 1 hr. 15 min. or until toothpick inserted in middle of loaf comes out clean. 
9. Let cool for about another hour. Store in airtight container. 

      

         Of course this recipe can be altered any way you like. If you don't like nuts (weird) or chocolate (weirder) feel free to make this bread without those two! I do understand that it's summer, but this pumpkin bread is still an amazing treat for any season. However, thanks to the gloriously unpredictable weather in Chicago, I didn't feel as odd baking this fall favorite since it is about 50 degrees and rainy. I'll be sure to eat some today while bundled up in my jacket, but I can assure you that tomorrow I will be enjoying a slice in my bathing suit while sunbathing on North Ave. beach.

        Thank you to the world famous Betty Crocker Site for letting me copy this recipe. You're an inspiration for budding bakers and obese children everywhere!

         Number of Pinterest recipes conquered: 7
         I declare this recipe a: dessert that makes me think that it's healthy because of the word "pumpkin"

Coconut, Chocolate, and Annoying Clichés, OH MY

     

 
         Let me first start off by saying that this cake is easier than a drunk girl on her birthday. Any recipe that includes a cake mix is alright by me. Seriously, nothing helps ordinary women feel more like Betty Crocker than a prepackaged baking mix. Because I was bored watching "Look Who's Talking Too" wondering if I had hit rock bottom, I decided to get up and bake. I'm very glad I did because watching Kirstie Alley "act" for two hours is enough to drive someone to drink.

         Anyways, about this cake. Delicious. Delicioso. Délicieux. Squisito. 美味的. Delish. D3LiiciiOuz. However you want to say it, it is damn delectable. There's a good chance that you will pull a "Bruce" from the movie Matilda and eat the entire pan in one sitting. (Except hopefully no one's "sweat and blood" went into the cake). Although, if you're like me, you may not even have to wait until the cake is fully cooked to begin consuming it in mass quantities. Just like the majority of my vices, it's probably bad for my health but good for the moment.

"Earthquake Cake"

Ingredients: 

• 2/3 c. sweetened coconut
• 2/3 c. semisweet chocolate chips
• 1/2 c. chopped pecans (I used walnuts because I nuts are expensive and I had them on hand)
• 1 box German Chocolate Cake mix (I used Devil's Food because it was what I had)
• 1/3 c. oil
• 1 c. water
• 3 large eggs
• 1/2 c. butter
• 8 oz. cream cheese
• 3 3/4 c. powdered sugar

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees and grease a 9x13 pan
2. Layer coconut, chocolate chips, and nut of choice (hah) on the bottom of greased pan
3. Mix cake mix, eggs, oil, and water in large bowl
4. Pour cake mix on top of the coconut/chocolate/nut layer
5. In a medium sauce pan, melt butter and cream cheese
6. When fully melted, stir in powdered sugar
7. Scoop mix onto the uncooked cake and swirl with knife
8. Bake for 40-45 minutes

         See, wasn't that one of the easiest recipes you have ever read? Bake and bring this to a party and people will think that you actually know what you are doing in the kitchen! (Or at least that's what people thought about me). Thanks a ton to Sweet Treats and More for the original recipe that was unfortunately altered by my frugality and laziness.

           Number of Pinterest recipes conquered: 6
           I declare this recipe a: good reason to get off the couch and into the kitchen

White Chocolate Snickerdoodle Cookies

      
             I truly do not understand how these women with extravagant and elaborately detailed blog websites do it. Where do you all find the time and energy? Whenever I come across an eye-catching site, I usually scan the personal profile to see what exactly this person does. Nine times out of ten it's a mother with like 5 kids, a husband, a house, 3 dogs, elderly parents, somewhat of a job, and a bad haircut. I'm convinced that the only reason these women have this kind of free time is because they're no longer having sex with their husbands. No offense, but how else do you do it? I'm over here struggling to post once a week and I don't have any of the things aforementioned (except a crappy job, I do have one of those). Since my summer term of grad courses began this week, I took a mental break one day and resorted to clicking through my Pinterest boards until I found a simple yet delicious recipe. The good news is that I found one! Bad news is that I still haven't finished reading my Pharmacology assignments...
             Like I said, this recipe is both easy and delicious. If you haven't noticed by now, I tend to gravitate towards the recipes that require zero skill (minus the "satan" samoas) because I don't necessarily like to set myself up for failure. Anyways, you need to make these cookies. I had all of the ingredients on hand, and I was able to prepare, bake, and eat these guys while still watching  the Grey's Anatomy season finale. Again, zero skill required. The only advice I do have for these cookies is to not eat five of them before going out for a run. I had to stop halfway and puke on the street corner. I felt like a freshman girl at a frat party. With that being said, here's the recipe:

"White Chocolate Snickerdoodle Pudding Cookies"

Ingredients: 

• 1 c. unsalted softened butter
• 3/4 c. light brown sugar
• 1/4 c. granulated sugar
• 1 (3.4 oz) package white chocolate instant pudding mix (I used vanilla because I was too lazy to run out and buy a different kind)
• 2 large eggs
• 1 tsp. vanilla extract 
• 2 1/4 c. flour 
• 1 tsp. baking soda
• 1/2 tsp. salt
• 2 cups white chocolate chips
• 1 tsp. cinnamon
• 1/3 c. cinnamon sugar for rolling

Directions: 

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees and lightly grease a cookie sheet or line with parchment paper.
2. Cream together butter and sugars using a hand mixer
3. Then add in the eggs. Mix in pudding, vanilla, flour, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, and chips. Ingredients should be well mixed together. 
4. Scoop out dough and form into balls. Roll each ball in cinnamon sugar till coated. Place cookies 2 in. apart on baking sheet. 
5. Bake for approximately 10 minutes. 
6. Let cool. Store in airtight container. 
7. Admire your handiwork/shoo off family members from eating them

         And just like Ray Ramano, they may not be pretty to look at but boy does everybody love em'. These cookies were probably the softest I have ever made. Usually my cookies are hard like frisbees or a bag of sand, but these ones just melt in your mouth. Thank you so much Something Swanky for sharing this recipe! Now back to my studying so that I can graduate, find a job, and move out of my parent's house before I wake up one day and I'm 30 and the only thing I'm sleeping next to is my dog and an old pizza box. Enjoy!

          Number of Pinterest recipes conquered: 5
          I declare this recipe a: simple way to make it look like you know how to bake

Let them eat "Crumb Cake"

       Well, it's Cinco de Mayo, and like every other holiday that has nothing to do with North America (St. Patrick's Day, Canadian Independence Day?, etc.), Americans still find some way to make it a drinking fest. I'm a huge fan of dressing in color-coordinated outfits and consuming "nation-specific" alcohol for no apparent reason, but today is a Sunday and if I celebrated properly I would have drank for 3 consecutive days. Since I vowed to never participate in a bender ever again after college (I already have 2 strikes against me), I decided to celebrate this wonderful holiday a different way. I originally planned on making a delicious Mexican feast, but then I remembered if I flirt with the cooks at the taco stand a few blocks from my house, I get free chips and salsa. So, I decided to bake something instead.

       I have to admit, after what I have titled the "Doughnut Disaster" (aka my last blog post), I needed a recipe that was both simple, edible, and enjoyable. Fortunately, this was a lifesaver! Who knew crumb cake could be this "fool-proof"? Well, it is, and I have lived to tell about it. The only downfall to this recipe is that it has enough butter to coax Paula Deen out of her house that is thousands of miles away. But then again, is this really a downfall? I couldn't keep my hands off this cake, and neither could my family or Bill. Do yourself a favor and copy down this recipe. Your taste buds will thank me later. Your ass...ehhh not so much.

This, my friends, is a butter overload

                                                   

"Classic Crumb Cake"

Cake:

• 2 1/2 c. all purpose flour
• 1 tsp. baking soda
• 1 tsp. baking powder
• 1/2 tsp. salt
• 1 1/4 (10 tbls.) sticks butter, room temperature
• 1 c. sugar
• 3 large eggs
• 1 tsp. vanilla extract
• 1 1/4 c. sour cream

Crumb Topping:

• 3 c. all purpose flour
• 1 c. light brown sugar
• 1 tbls. ground cinnamon
• 1 1/2 tsp. coarse salt 
• 3 1/2 sticks butter, room temperature (yep, told you)

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease or butter a 9x13 in. pan. 
2. In medium bowl, mix together flour, baking soda, baking powder, and salt. 
3. In a separate bowl, beat the butter and sugar on medium speed until light and fluffy. Beat in eggs one at a time. Next, add in vanilla extract followed by the flour mixture. Add sour cream and stir until combined. 
4. Scrape batter into baking pan and spread out evenly. 
5. Make crumb topping: In medium bowl mix together flour, brown sugar, cinnamon, and salt. Cut up butter into cubes(or use a pastry blender or food processor) and add to bowl. Mix together (I used a hand mixer on the "stir" option). Small-medium clumps should exist.
6. Lay crumb topping on top of cake layer. I also sprinkled a little extra cinnamon and granulated sugar on the topping (not in original recipe). 
7. Bake 40-50 minutes or until golden brown and a toothpick comes out clean from center. 
8. Let cool and store in airtight container. 

      Although I'm obviously all about butter, I feel that this recipe could have reduced the amount just a tad. The crumb topping is a bit too rich for my taste, so I suggest perhaps going with 2 1/2 to 3 sticks instead of what the original recipe calls for. Then again, who am I to say what tastes better? All I know is that I am going to jump on my new road bike (Cannondale Synapse 6) and go for a ride. That is if my bike shorts still fit after eating two pieces. Enjoy, my fellow dessert lovers!

    Shout out to Recipe Girl for allowing me to indulge in this recipe. Any chance you can share some exercise tips, too? God knows I'm going to start needing them after a few more of these blog posts.


       Number of Pinterest recipes conquered: 4
       I declare this recipe a: slippery slope towards morbid obesity

Glazed and Infused: Baked Chocolate Donuts

          I'm pretty sure you all come from somewhat normal families (really though, do they exist?), but I definitely do not. For example, my mom is a complete garage sale troll. During the summer, it is nearly impossible for her to pass by a yard sale without purchasing another unnecessary antique trinket, ugly picture frame, or Celine Dion CD. My all-time favorite is a glass purse (pictured below) that now doubles as a napkin holder in her kitchen. I just like to call it my future "White Elephant" gift.

       Usually, her profits are of little interest to me, but one day she truly hit the jackpot. A doughnut pan. (Is it donut or doughnut, I'll never know). After a year of dust-collecting in her pantry, I decided to give this thing a try.


        Even though doughnuts (supposedly) have enough saturated fat to last someone a week, I eat them regularly. We're all going to croak of something, right? Anyways, my favorite is definitely chocolate glazed. Because of this, I decided to start with the recipe that Pinterest calls "The World's Greatest Chocolate Glazed Donut". Naturally, I just had to try these. With all of the horrible choices made in my short life (dying my hair jet black, seeing Gigli in theaters, dating that one guy with really bad teeth, and basically my whole sophomore year of high school), this was unfortunately one of them. How hard could it be to screw up doughnuts? Actually, for me it's fairly easy. Not only did the glaze on these doughnuts never set (not even after 24 hours), but they tasted like lavender soap. I am not blaming the original recipe for this, I totally just messed these babies up! I told you all from the beginning, the kitchen and I are still in our courtship, and let's just say this experience was a bad date.  Like "a first date and he takes you to Arby's and doesn't pay" kind of bad date.  How these doughnuts tasted like flowery dish soap is beyond me (I own sour apple-scented Dawn...), and the runny glaze should be included in an episode of Unsolved Mysteries. Anyways, since I blog about the good, the bad, and the ugly...here is the recipe for the doughnuts. As a side-note, the batter was very tasty, and people raved about the original baker's recipe. Unlike BunsInMyOven, I shouldn't even own an oven mitt yet alone be near a stove. Please don't let my poor baking habits deter you from making a batch of these, they must be delicious or so many people wouldn't be pleased with them. However, if you do tackle this recipe and the doughnuts don't turn out the way you would have liked, just feed them to your kids/spouse/dog. I'm sure they won't even know the difference...      

**If anyone has any idea why my glaze may not have hardened or why it tasted like lavender potpourri, please let me know! **     

"Glazed Chocolate Doughnuts"

Doughnut: 

• 1 c. all purpose flour
• 1/2 c. sugar
• 1/4 c. cocoa powder
• 1/4 c. mini chocolate chips (or any chocolate chips)
• 1/2 tsp. baking soda
• 1/2 tsp. vanilla extract 
• 1 egg
• 6 tbls. sour cream
• 1/4 c. milk (I used fat free)
• 1/4 c.vegetable oil

Glaze Topping:

• 1 1/2 c. powdered sugar
• 6 tbls. whole milk
• 1 tsp. vanilla 

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Grease a doughnut pan. 
2. In mixing bowl, combine flour sugar, cocoa powder,chocolate chips, and baking soda. 
3. Using a different bowl, beat vanilla, egg, sour cream, milk, and oil until well blended. Then stir the wet ingredient into the dry ingredients until blended.       
4. Spread in doughnut pan (about 3/4 full) and bake for 8-10 minutes. Check to be sure doughnuts are fully cooked by lightly pressing on one with your finger and watch to see if it springs back. When it springs back that means it is done. 
5. Transfer to parchment paper or wire rack for cooling.
6. For glaze topping: In small sauce pan over low heat, stir sugar, milk, and vanilla together until fully mixed. Remove from heat and dip each doughnut in the glaze and return to rack until the glaze cools and hardens. 
7. Store in airtight container
8. Yields around 9-11 doughnuts

 

           Here are the final products. I felt like Ursula from The Little Mermaid because I kept singing "Poor Unfortunate Souls" to these tiny nuggets. This isn't my last time making doughnuts, oh no. Like the Terminator, "I'll be back".

        Number of Pinterest recipes conquered: 3
        I declare this recipe a: possible solution to those hungover-Sunday-Dunkin-Donuts-runs