When life gives you lemons, bake sh*t

       I never quite understood why people metaphorically related lemons to difficult life situations. "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade". What? Lemons are wonderful fruits. They make our kitchens cleaner and more fragrant when used in disinfectant products and air fresheners. Lemons help children get a head start on the corporate ladder. Although, I feel that many of these youngsters have even surpassed myself since I saw a lemonade stand last summer selling Dixie cups of Country Time at $2.50 a pop. Oh, and how could I forget that lemons pair better with alcohol than any other fruit on Earth. Big round of applause for Mike's Hard for allowing me to relive being 15 years old any time I want.
       Clearly, you all can see that I really enjoy lemons. Many of my Pinterest recipes include these tiny citrus suns, so I felt that I should get right to it and start making some of them! This lemon loaf is good. So good that I licked the knife each time I cut myself a slice. (My way of living on the edge). If you enjoy lemon and want a quick recipe that will impress your family, friends, and even yourself-give this one a try.

"Copy Cat Starbucks Lemon Loaf"

Loaf:

• 1 1/2 c.all purpose flour
• 1/2 tsp. baking soda
• 1/2 tsp. baking powder
• 1/2 tsp. salt 
• 3 eggs (room temperature)
• 1 c. sugar
• 2 tbsp. softened butter
• 1 tsp. vanilla extract 
• 2 tsp. lemon extract 
• 1/3 c. lemon juice
• 1/2 c. oil
• zest of one lemon

Glaze Topping:

• 1 c. powdered sugar
• 2 tbsp. milk (I used 2%)
• 1/2 tsp. lemon extract 
• I added a few drops of vanilla extract, too

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350. Grease and flour a 9x5 loaf pan. 
2. Combine flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt in a large mixing bowl. 
3. In separate bowl combine sugar, butter, eggs, vanilla extract, lemon extract, and lemon juice. Mix on low-medium until well blended. 
4. Pour the wet ingredients into the dry ingredients and add oil and lemon zest. Blend until smooth and no clumps exist. 
5. Pour batter into loaf pan and bake for 45-50 minutes. Depending on your oven and pan, you may need to add additional time. Cook until a toothpick comes out clean. 
6. Remove from pan and let cool on wire rack or parchment paper. I turned my loaf pan over and beat the crap out of it with a spoon. Great way to release the loaf from the pan, and an even better stress reliever!
7. Mix ingredients for glaze (can use mixer, whisk, or fork) and drizzle over cooled lemon loaf. *Optional step*: lick-up leftovers straight from bowl.I highly recommend.
8. Store in airtight container or cover with foil. Enjoy!

            I swear that it tastes better than it looks. I'm not quite sure how everyone makes their glaze drizzles look so pristine, but this definitely looks like it spent the day at an XX...ehh nevermind. Decoration aside, this lemon loaf is outstanding! I just hope you all have better luck than I did.

         A huge thanks to KeyIngredient for originally listing this recipe. You rock.

        Number of Pinterest recipes conquered: 2
        I declare this recipe a: delicious loaf for the lazy

Homemade Samoa "Satan" Cookies

       Ok, I now officially realize why the Girl Scouts of America only sell the damn cookies and not bake them. These things took forever. Seriously, I swear I developed my first gray hair while making these. Although it took awhile to finish the little guys, they were absolutely delicious! Homemade shortbread cookie, delectable caramel-coconut topping, and sweet chocolate dip and drizzle really helped me gain an extra five pounds this week (I tried to convince myself it was just the weight of my new gym shoes, but who am I kidding?). Basically, if you want a baking challenge that will be well worth it in the end, this is the cookie for you.

      I have been lusting after this recipe for about as long as I have been lusting after Ryan Lochte, which is actually only about two months but still a serious fantasy of mine. Although it is not included in the "ingredients list", I strongly recommend starting with 16 oz. of wine. (For you of course, not the cookies). However, for the rest of this recipe, I suggest just sticking to what's listed. That is unless you find yourself needing more wine. 

Homemade Samoa Cookies:

Cookie:

• 1 c. softened butter
• 1/2 c. sugar
• 2 cups all purpose flour
• 1/2 tsp. salt
• 1/4 tsp. baking powder
• 1/2 tsp. vanilla extract
• 1 tbsp. milk (I only used 1/2 tbsp. fat-free milk)

Coconut-Caramel Topping:

• 3 c. shredded or flaked sweetened coconut 
• 12-14 oz. caramel (I originally used 12 oz. but I ran out of topping and had to make more)
• 1/4 tsp. salt
• 3 tbsp. milk 
• 8 oz. semi-sweet or milk chocolate chips (I use a combination of both)

Directions: 

1. Preheat your oven to 350.
2.  Cream together butter and sugar, then mix in the flour, baking powder and salt at low speed. Next, add in the vanilla extract and the milk, but only as needed. Dough should be soft, not sticky. If dough is too sticky, add some more milk until consistency is met. I ended up using just 1/2 tsp. of fat-free milk.
3.  Roll out the dough so that it is about 1/4 in. thick. (Honestly, who measures this? Just eye-ball it to whatever thickness you want and you'll be fine). Use a 1 1/2 in. round cookie cutter. Since I don't own any fancy equipment, I used the rim of a drinking glass. Next, create a small hole in the middle of the cookie. Again, I don't have the proper cookie cutters that many snazzy blogs have, so I used the bottom of a round pastry tip. It worked well until I realized I have no spatial awareness and all my cookies resembled the eyes of people in a Picasso painting. 
4. Place cookies on an un-greased baking sheet about 1 in. apart. Bake cookies 10-12 minutes, or until cookies are slightly browned. Transfer to parchment paper or wire cooking rack to cool completely. 
5. Place coconut in a pan on low heat and begin toasting coconut until golden brown. I learned quickly that coconut burns faster than hair left in a hot iron, so watch the pan carefully. 
6. DRINK MORE WINE. This is where you will need it.
7.  Unwrap the caramels (or enslave small children or willing friends to complete this for you). Place in a microwave-safe bowl with milk and salt and cook on high for 2-3 minutes or until smooth. Then, mix in the toasted coconut. 
8. When cookies are completely cooled, place about 2-3 tsp. of topping on each cookie. If caramel becomes too stiff, reheat. This step nearly killed me. It is difficult to place topping on the shortbreads because of the consistency. To aid in this process, I lightly spritzed oil on my spoon and fingers so that the caramel wasn't too sticky. 
9. Once topping is placed on each cookie, let stand for about 20 minutes until the ingredients set and harden. Melt the chocolate in a microwave-safe bowl with a bit of milk. Heat on high for 30 second intervals until the chocolate is smooth and creamy. Dip the base of every cookie into the chocolate. Be sure to wipe the saliva from your mouth. I flipped my cookies upside down so that the chocolate side faced upwards. 
10. Once the dipped side of the cookie completely cools and hardens, flip over and drizzle remaining chocolate over the cookies in a horizontal fashion. 
11. Store in a container. Can refrigerated if needed.  
12. Yields around 24 cookies

      

          After about four hours of nearly wanting to give up and throw the cookies on my neighbor's lawn, I finished! It is time consuming, but after that first bite everything was worth it. I'm not a huge fan of children (Yes, I know), so now I have the perfect solution when it comes to obtaining Girl Scout cookies. No more hunting down that one person in the office with order sheets, or having to answer the door for the little girls in green hats when you're watching an "America's Next Top Model" marathon. Finally, Samoas right at your fingertips!

         Original recipe found at Rumbly in my Jumbly.Thanks a bunch for sharing.

    Number of Pinterest recipes conqured: 1
    I declare this recipe a: laborious success
   

What happens in my kitchen, stays in my kitchen

        I have to admit, I am terribly unfamiliar with the blogging lifestyle. It's safe to say that I'm pretty much a novice at everything: blogging, baking, apartment shopping, check writing, hair styling, nursing, and basically just...life. As much as I would like to consider myself a focused and productive student, I know that Pinterest receives more of my attention than my research papers. The product of such procrastination is 455 recipes and counting. 455. I have since decided that this blog will be a way to tackle that ridiculous number of "re-pinned" meals. I hope the only things created during this little experiment are edible and tasty treats, but I have a gut feeling that I will wind up with only copious amounts of stress and a burned down oven.  Since I just recently learned how to use kitchen appliances (not completely but I am pretty challenged when it comes to preparing a meal), I am relying on this experience to mold me into somewhat of a house-wife. [insert joke here]. No, I am not married, but I figure that I should learn how to cook something more than just egg whites and grilled cheese. After all, the key to a man's heart is through his stomach, right? Or perhaps it's through some other part of his body, but writing a blog about those experiences would require a lot more effort and free time...

         Now, I cannot promise that my end-products will look or taste remotely like the recipes I am following, but I can promise that the journey will be entertaining. Since I am a full-time graduate student living off government loans, I practically have an income as useful as the one generated during a game of Monopoly. Having said this, please do not expect those beautifully detailed pictures of savory cookies or mouth-watering cupcakes. Instead, I will simply use my iPhone 4 to take semi-appealing pictures of semi-professional delicacies. As for my ingredients, most will be purchased from my local Aldi store or stolen from my friends' and family's pantries. My only baking assistants will be my pug-nosed dog, Izzy, and my large-nosed boyfriend, Bill. So without further delay (or awkward rambling), I introduce to you my world of baking/cooking for the struggling "pseudo-adult"!

       If you would like to get ahead of me and start whipping up some of these delicious meals and treats in your own kitchen, here are the links to my Pinterest boards that contain all of the recipes I will be trying/rating/ruining. All you have to do is ask: 
"to be fat or not to be fat, that is the question"