Caramel "Kissed" Brownies

      
                  I haven't had a summer this terrible since my mother sent me to "Vacation Bible School" when I was ten. Grad school has stolen my soul, free time, and sex appeal. Seriously, I haven't gotten my eyebrows waxed in months. I look like Brooke Shields' unfortunate twin sister. At least in Bible Camp I got free snacks and a nap. The only things I've gotten from nursing school are hypertension, hypochondria, and a fancy new vocabulary. Since I am so stressed, I knew that I had to bake something simple and comforting. I had justtttttt the idea. If there's anything I've learned from "Rom-Coms" it's that chocolate solves nearly every problem. It can even get you back together with your ex! Now let's add some caramel to the mix and that's what I like to call an Annie Sullivan. Miracle worker.
            Well, these brownies were almost as big of a let down as Shaquille O'Neal's acting career. They were a tad too cake-like for me. Not to mention that it took forever to unwrap a whole bag of Hershey Kisses. I don't know what kind of machines or Chinese sweatshop workers they have preparing these candies, but I need to invest in one. (Of course I'm kidding. The only slave labor I support is having your children do yard work.) The original recipe just sounded so delicious and the poster's pictures had me salivating like a male at a strip club. As usual, I blame myself for my not-so-tasty recipes. I'm just a girl in the kitchen who hasn't got a clue.

"Hershey Kiss Caramel Brownies"

Ingredients: 

• 1/2 c. butter
• 1 c. brown sugar
• 3 eggs
• 2 tsp. vanilla extract 
• 3/4 c. all purpose flour
• 3/4 c. unsweetened cocoa powder
• 1/2 tsp. salt
• 1 bag Hershey Caramel Kisses

Directions: 

1. Preheat oven to 350F. Grease 8 inch pan or line with parchment 
2. In mixing bowl, beat sugar and brown sugar until fluffy
3. Add 2 eggs one at a time allowing time to beat in between additions
4. Next pour in vanilla extract. Don't forget to scrape sides of the bowl
5. Mix in cocoa powder, flour, and salt into the wet mixture
6. Save 3/4 of mix and set aside. Spread the rest of the brownie mixture into the pank
7. Add the caramel candies on top of the mix
8. With the reserved 3/4 cup brownie batter, add the remaining 1 egg and beat till combined
9. Pour the remaining batter on top of the kisses
10. Bake for 30 minutes or until knife comes out clean from the center
11. Cut and store in an airtight container

            I truly hope that you give these brownies a try and see how they taste! Although I'm a kitchen nightmare, I feel like the batter just needed more butter or oil. Any suggestions on how to change this recipe for the better are greatly appreciated. Even though these brownies didn't knock my socks off, I still ate them anyways. A couple seconds in the microwave and you have a decent midnight snack or early morning breakfast. (I never was one for oatmeal.) Thank you Rachel Cooks for inspiring me to try this recipe. You clearly know what you're doing whereas I am still trying to figure out if it's wet ingredients-to-dry ingredients or vice-versa. At least I still remember to turn the oven off. Until next time, readers!

         Number of Pinterest recipes conqured: 11
         I declare this recipe a: caramel catastrophe. But seriously, I couldn't get that shit off my hands for days.

What Now, Sara Lee?

 

      I can honestly say that the only things my mother has handed down to me are size 11 feet, fine hair, small boobs (Thanks a lot, Mom), and this amazing chocolate buttercream frosting recipe. She first taught me how to make it when I was 7, but like everything else from my childhood, I chose to not remember. Really, it wasn't until I created this blog that I asked her for some recipes. As mentioned earlier, she only gave me one recipe- the buttercream frosting. I guess that's another thing I get from my mother: the inability to cook. Of course I would never mention this to her face, just on the internet where I'm certain she won't find it because I think she's still learning how to turn on the actual computer. This is why I'm the least favorite of her children.

       Since apparently eating frosting by itself is frowned upon, I guess I have to make something to go with it. Usually, I just buy a brownie mix, top it with this simple frosting, tell people the brownies were purchased from a bakery, and call it a day. However, I somehow developed a baking conscience in the past month (What do you mean those fell on the floor? So I can't double dip?), I won't take the easy way out. Thanks to my good ol' "Kitcheny-Cricket", (Ugh, horrible pun) I went ahead and baked a pound cake to accompany my chocolate frosting. Since I'm all of a sudden coming clean, I might as well tell you that the pound cake is better than the frosting. The only person who didn't agree was my father, but if it's worth anything, this is a man who drinks a liter of Coke a day and sucks in potato chips like he's a damn Dyson vacuum. I don't care what he says, the pound cake and chocolate frosting go together like "lamb and tuna fish".

"Vanilla Pound Cake"

Ingredients: 

• 1 1/2 c. flour
• 1/4 tsp. baking soda
• 1/4 tsp. salt
• 3/4 c. softened butter
• 1 c. sugar
• 1 1/2 tsp. vanilla extract 
• 2 large eggs
• 1/2 c. sour cream

Directions: 

1. Preheat to 325. Lightly grease and flour a loaf pan
2. In medium bowl, whisk flour baking soda, and salt
3. In a separate bowl beat together butter, sugar, and vanilla until fluffy
4. Add eggs one at a time and mix until completely blended
5. Mix in half of the flour mixture into the wet ingredients and stir until both are incorporated 
6. Stir in sour cream and add the rest of the flour mixture and blend
7. Pour batter into prepared pan and bake for 75-80 minutes or until knife comes out clean

"Chocolate Butter Cream Frosting"

Ingredients: 

• 1/2 c. softened butter (1 stick)
• 3-4 c. powdered sugar
• 1 tsp. vanilla extract
• 2 tbls. milk or heavy cream
• 1/2 c. unsweetened cocoa powder

Directions:

1. In mixing bowl combine butter, milk, and vanilla, and beat until creamy. Next add powdered sugar and mix until fluffy
2. Add in cocoa powder and blend well. Add more cocoa powder depending on the amount of chocolate you want in frosting
3. If frosting is too thick add more heavy cream. Alter consistency with powdered sugar (thick) and milk (thin). 

              This frosting is decadent and practically goes with anything. It's comparable to a vintage Chanel bag. However, if you're like me who is neither classy, rich, nor has any idea what that above phrase even means, it's more like sex. The only difference is that you'll probably want to work out after eating the frosting. Or just have really good sex.
              Thank you to Honey and Butter for the simple yet delicious pound cake recipe! Another round of thanks to my mother for the frosting. You may not have given me killer abs or a fast metabolism, but you sure as shit did give me a pretty awesome buttercream recipe.

              Number of Pinterest recipes conqured:10
              I declare this recipe a: "eat-the-whole-thing-in-one-sitting-and-lie-about-it" kind of cake

An Apple Fritter a Day...

             It is a known fact that we are all hiding something. Whether it's the girl who only painted her first three toenails while wearing peep-toed shoes, or the man who says he doesn't expect you to sleep with him on the first date after he just paid for your steak dinner and three mojitos- all of us want the truth to remain perfectly concealed from everybody else. My hidden truths? Well, I probably have enough of them to take up an entire page of PostSecret, but today I'll only be sharing one. I buy apple fritters from the local 7-Eleven. Ehhh, I know it's nothing Earth-shattering, but it is vile. Along with hard-boiled eggs, sushi, your Mother's Day gift, and condoms, I'm pretty sure that apple fritters are on the list of things to never buy from a gas station mini-mart. With that being said, I hope you understand how excited I felt when I stumbled upon the Pinterest pin entitled "15 minute apple fritters". Not only can I bake these fritters using less ingredients than that required for Mac n' Cheese, but I can also use my Crest White Strips (or any other 15 minute activity) while  making them. Simply bliss.
            However, let the record show that these apple fritters do not take 15 minutes. By the time you finish making these, that guy from last week's date may actually have called you back. I'm not sure if the original poster worked at McDonald's and acquired amazing frying skills, but these fritters took about an hour. I truly felt like a pubescent boy struggling with all this oil. Despite my kitchen troubles, these apple fritters actually turned out to be a huge hit! I mean, what American doesn't love deep-fried pastries?

"15 Minute (*Cough* 60 minute) Apple Fritters"

Ingredients:

• 1 heaping c. flour (What does this mean?! I used 1 1/4 c. flour)
• 1/3 c. sugar
• 1 tsp. baking powder
• dash of salt
• 1/2-2 tsp. ground cinnamon (I used 2 tsp. because I'm not a tiger)
• 1/2 tsp. ground nutmeg
• 1/2 tsp. vanilla
• 1 T. melted butter
• 1 egg
• 1/3 c. milk (more if dough is too sticky)
• 1-1/2 c. chopped apple (approx 2 apples)
• 1 c. powdered sugar (for glaze)
• 1 T. milk (for glaze)
• Oil for frying 

Directions: 

1.  Pour oil in a pan on stove top and begin heating until oil is around 365 degrees or when a small drop of dough can float on top. 
2. Mix all of the dry ingredients together
3. Mix all of the wet ingredients together and add to the dry ingredients 
4. Fold in apple pieces
5. Once oil is hot enough, place approximately 4 balls of dough in pan. (Around the size of golf balls). 
6. Cook about 35-50 seconds on each side until golden brown. This also depends on the size of your fritters
7. Flip fritters to the other side and let cook for about another 35-50 seconds
8. Test fritter to see if it is cooked by inserting a toothpick in the center. Should come out clean
9. Let fritters dry on paper towels
10. Once completely cooled, mix glaze by combining powdered sugar and milk. 
11. Dip each fritter in glaze and let cool. 
12. Enjoy right away of store in airtight container

                           

        I made double the dough because I knew I would ruin about half of them trying to figure out how to fry things in oil. Boy, good thing I did because the first 10 were completely inedible. (But once I covered them in glaze (3 times) you couldn't even tell). Viola! Every chef's secret. A huge thanks to Simply Greek for this great recipe. You may have just saved my intestines from another gas station dessert! But probably not, because those things are damn good and only $0.50.

                   Number of Pinterest recipes conquered: 9
                   I declare this recipe a: (delicious) Grease fire waiting to happen